DIARY OF A DROPOUT #2 – or RONISM ♗

 

RONISM ♗ …  It all started at a party with friends …

♗  ♝  ♗  ♝  ♗  ♝  ♗  ♝  ♗  ♝  ♗

n

I reckon it was in about 1972 at a party with friends….

Well to be honest they weren’t what you might call friends per se, as in – ‘known them for years and would lend them my air bed and trust them with the pump that actually works’ kind of friends. I suppose you would call them acquaintances but then in those days and at that time I certainly didn’t use scrotty words like acquaintances – O no!  

This part of my story really began a couple of years before, when I first chose to ‘drop out’.

SUTTON GENERAL HOSPITAL

My closest friend Steve, when reminiscing over that time, claims I was indeed the only person he knew who really ever did ‘drop out‘ when I left a perfectly good, well paid and safe job in London as I did back in 1969 when I did my personal ‘Kerouac’ and went ~ ‘On the road’, figuratively speaking as it turned out. I was actually forced to go back to work by my mother bless her, firstly as a delivery man for John Perring the furniture retailer before attaining a porters post at the ‘mecca’ of hippy jobs of that day when I joined a band of similarly disenfranchised social outcasts helping our fellow-man whilst earning a few pennies at the local ‘Cottage Hospital’ in Sutton in Surrey. Here we toted fresh laundry to the wards and collected the dirty including the infamous ‘red bags’, took patients to X-Ray, built and dismantled beds, collected and delivered meals in what became affectionately known as ‘the hot-locks’ and among many other duties, occasionally visited the mortuary which was always sad but also necessary.

There is no doubt, the ‘drop out’ tag like most expressions, colloquialisms and developed clichés, sort of loses its meaning in the telling and the re-telling but by personal choice I sure had fallen through the employment net and off the career ladder as the sixties became the seventies and I continued on my personal pathway of self discovery. Nowadays young people are encouraged to travel the world and sow their wild oats but my mothers war-years generation work ethic put paid to any ideas in that direction, although I did go as far as receiving registration forms to join a kibbutz in Israel and also gained an acceptance at Croydon’s o’so trendy Art School on the proviso that I gained a Maths GCE. A late night ‘happening’ with mates involving a bottle of ‘Green Goblin’ and a block of ‘Lebanese black’ meant we turned up 20 minutes late for the exam and because we couldn’t face entering the exam hall we went to the pub and bang went that particular creative opportunity!… Shame…

I had bought and read all the popular books of that generation – Tolkien; Aldous Huxley, Worlds in Collision by Velikovsky; The Politics of Experience by R.D. Laing; plus certain books and pamphlets by the drug guru Timothy Leary, etc etc  as I smoked dope, dropped acid and consumed other illegal substances, barbiturates, amphetamines, uppers and downers, even cannibalising a nasal spray with a friend and diluting it in coca cola (we had heard this gave a pretty decent ‘buzz’). All this, as I earnestly sought to find my personal ‘path’ and discover what I believed in and what I didn’t.

TIMOTHY LEARY’S BOOKS

My new reclusive self will always be thankful for the input of my seriously good friend Steve who at the time did his best to keep me socially active with invitations to parties, gigs and events that I was always happy to attend. I suppose I became a bit of a Barney Rubble sidekick for my mate as I travelled in tandem alongside his girlfriend of the time and provided him with some necessary male company. Not that I was ever worried about where I went or didn’t go to be honest or who I spoke to at such events having always been a bit of a ‘party animal’ and a pretty gregarious kind of fellar. Indeed I reckon I could write an anthology of amusing stories and anecdotes collected from chance meetings with interesting people I have met at parties through the years. Might even try it sometime and if I do this tale would have to feature in it.

The process of intellectual thought at that time in my life had maintained a pretty steady stream since leaving the ‘material world’ of day by day exchange at my ‘proper job’ working as an apprentice artists agent in offices adjacent to Leicester Square. At the time I was concerned purely and simply with the task of unlearning and dealing with the ‘clutter’ of transposed opinion that we all inherit and imbibe, much akin to the effects of secondary smoking we now understand can effect our health and dependencies.

We assume so much of what we believe from those who care for us and raise us and from the culture we grow up in, much like a cerebral strain of photosynthesis which of course allows plants and organisms to gain and convert strength and life from the sun’s energy and translate it into body matter. I now wanted to re-think everything and understand why, how and what I was going to allow into my body, whether animal, vegetable, mineral, psychological, intellectual, scientific, political or religious.

For this reason I ate a simple diet, read only discerning literature, questioned everything, accepted nothing and kept an ‘open mind’ on all major subjects. One way I helped myself to reevaluate things was with various self-styled or self appropriated buzz words or sayings. ‘Honest to God’ was one such phrase I adopted as I sought to re-define a personal belief system that would be based on a simple, straightforward truthfulness to every question I considered deserved my attention but the third word of that particular mantra offered me an immediate dilemma of analysis.

If my honesty was to be directed to a universal deity then I had to be confident that a) there was one and b) that a person of that importance should be known by a name rather than just ‘God’. Consequently this name I should know.

My current system of beliefs had no problem in accepting the first premise ~ a) … that there is indeed a deity responsible for the wonders of nature and the whole business of creation and reproduction. I believed I certainly had enough evidence in my own short life experience to support the notion that there is indeed someone ‘out there’, that you can talk to them and that they do in fact aid you in answering the many prayers I had already proffered at times of personal distress and danger. A miracle encounter involving a tiny, red arachnida had also recently brought me down to earth from my fairly ‘trippy’ existence and given me a ‘faith’ boost. I hope you can tell reader, I am being real ‘honest to God’ here. 

However, I stalled when determining the name my God should go under …. premise b). I was certainly raised a Christian but I had no particular certainty that Jesus or Mohammed, Alla or Buddha, Jah or Jehovah, or indeed any other human name for God or whoever, was in fact either God’s agent, son or daughter or indeed any certainty that they happened to possess God’s actual personal name at all! You can see I had thrown myself into the very deepest end of the theological questions pool and so far I was just about keeping afloat.

R.D. Laings classic ‘Politics of Experience’ had hit me whilst reading, with the phrase ~ “I cannot be sure of anything I have not personally experienced”. This soon became another adopted and treasured maxim. Whilst the many warm feelings in my ‘centre’ when praying as a very sickly child, often ill and with parents who argued a lot, warranted enough ‘personal experience’ to tick the yes, I know there is a God box, however I had forgotten to ask whilst praying, who the God I was speaking to was?

I eventually concluded that a God worth his or her salt is not going to be too worried about names anyway and maybe all these names of God were just expressions from different cultures and countries for the very same person. Traditional names for the same Guy, the same Girl. I mean how many Almighty Gods can there be in one Universe? A bit like mommy and daddy have different names the world over… It seemed to me at that time, that a universal deity is going to be ‘above’ getting in a sweat over the differing names people called them anyway. 

This certain naive theology, I still sort of subscribe to by the way. People generally have a real hard time recognising that a supreme all-seeing, all-knowing creative intelligence really should not have so much trouble discerning what is true love, affection and devotion from what is disrespectful, insincere, sassy or irreverent … and so I considered my God could be called by any name, as long as it was not intended to be disrespectful!

I therefore reverently decided I would choose a new name for God and that Gods name should be something honest and true. A name that the common people could relate to, not an Eastern name, not a religious name at all, a name like Ron!

LONDON DOCKS

Ron, was an ex-docker who was a fellow porter at the Cottage Hospital where I worked, among all of us hippies. A guy with a greased, short back and sides haircut and a nice clean full set of false teeth which gave him the warmest, friendliest smile. Ron had a lovely, rippling chuckle of a laugh and 101 stories of when he worked in the London Docks until an industrial accident forced him to retire. Ron and his wife had then moved out of Millwall in East London and they came to live in Sutton in the Surrey ‘sticks’ and started working with us and boy was he a ‘salt of the earth’ character. A straight up ‘union’ guy, who mixed with us freaks and anyone and did a full and decent days work. Ron was the perfect character and had the perfect name for my kind of God. 

These were the thoughts buzzing in my head the day I journeyed to meet up with Genevieve, my arranged date for the evening, along with Steve and Sue the girlfriend who had been invited to a party in North London. 

The party was typical of much hippy-style events of the day which in turn was actually much like most similar gatherings of youngish people the world over since time immemorial. In other words, to begin with everyone was a little self-aware and nervous of standing out from the crowd. Enter yours truly and a couple of spliffs and a barley wine or two later and me and Genevieve had soon got into a few of the ‘deeper’ issues of life and circumstance that people did in those insecure but revolutionary days.

Genevieve wore a black, velvet, ankle-length coat and had the richest, fullest, thick, black, curly and shiny hair which hung down over her shoulders. She had soft, pale flesh with rosy cheeks to match the softest, lilting Irish brogue and we were hitting it off pretty good, sat on the floor, in the middle of an unfurnished, darkened room while people milled around us fairly aimlessly.

“So Steve, what do you make of God?.. What do you think about God?.. Do you believe there is a God or anything?” Her soft, Irish voice made the questions natural and sincere. Only in those days did people ask questions like that on a first date and I suppose the Irish have always seemed more than most to be consumed with questions of guilt and conscience, forgiveness and eternity .

THIS CERTAIN NAIVE THEOLOGY

“Well yes Genevieve yes I do believe in God” I replied “but I’ve decided to call my God, Ron!”. I now expostulated on my reasons for this seemingly random and possibly blasphemous utterance. Those reasons were after all as fresh and ripe in me as June strawberries on a sunny day. How could I have known that this fair, Irish maiden would be the siren chosen to divine and  release the wellspring of feeling and thought from this, young, yet wizened sailor, afloat on life’s turbulent waters yet himself so recently cast, shipwrecked from the high seas of personal search and discovery.

Well, you might say, she lapped it up and had my intention been to ‘lay’ the charming Genevieve then I most surely must have had 3/5 of my leg over by the end of the 1st chapter of the Gospel According to Ron or as by now the ‘crack’ and my racing, creative imagination had already re-defined it ~ ‘Ronism’.

“You see isms are not what it’s all about for me Genevieve. Why do people argue and fight about who God is rather than just accepting that God is and just try and get on with each other? And so I’m calling my God, Ron and my religion RON-ISM because, well why shouldn’t it be”.

Genevieve looked amazed and a little in awe as my improvised discourse eventually dampened down! Her simple question had birthed a new theology it seemed, maybe a theocracy, possibly yet another religion and she like a new Mary was there at its birth looking just a little flushed. I considered my next ‘article of faith’, my next ‘statement of belief’ as it now dawned on me that indeed Genevieve was no longer alone with me as we sat together on the floor, for new disciples had been joining us unnoticed since I began my discourse and now like us they were sitting cross-legged or standing around us in a circle upon the woven rug, upon the floorboards, in the middle of the darkened room. There must have been a least a round dozen of them following the thoughts of yours truly, drinking in enthusiastically every word. 

Had I just had a moment of ‘epiphany’ or realisation? Had we together, in the middle of that room, shared a transcendent energy, we dozen or so disciples. As my inspired rant reached the barrels very bottom, I almost waited for the heavenly choir, an incandescent light but all we got was the final verse and chorus of the Who singing  ‘I Wont Get Fooled Again!

written by edenbray29.05.12

As a postscript to this piece I reflect how readily were that generation to be led, to be inspired… How naive, how vulnerable and how easily duped our cynical selves might say. … There is a certain humour in the story I hope I have caught as well as an irony, that had I been looking to ‘score’ with either the lovely Genevieve or the gathered apostles of my inspired new creed I may indeed have started that day a new cult religion called … RONISM!

I so suddenly that day became the ‘guru’ spreading the ‘light’ and it gave me a shake I can tell you and also gave me an insight as to how easily things like that can get started, and certainly at that time anyway, when people meet someone who appears to have ‘the answer’.

It sort of makes me laugh to remember the day I took centre stage with my impromptu speech and theory on God ~ unstripped and unplugged! Within 14 months I gave up all and any dependency on drugs and found a true faith identity but that story is for another day!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s